One of the problems with the idea that America needs a ‘Conversation On Race’ is that it presumes that ‘America’ has something intelligent to say about race. All you need do is look at how American history is taught in this country to realize that that is basically impossible.

— Ta-Nehisi Coates (via theatlantic) TUMBLR

In process of becoming this....

“The world is so magnificent, the way it keeps rebirthing itself to you, if you’re amenable.”- Asha Bandele

 

I've learned and am now convinced that life (in all its form) gives you exactly what you need, you must simply remain open and receptive. It (life) takes care of you, that's its job, however, resistance creates conflict thus making your life more difficult than it was actually intended to be. Yes, life is hard and we all experience levels of pain that sometimes can be unbearable. Have you ever thought though that maybe if we allowed that pain to flow through  we will evolve into something more, something beautiful? Pain whether physical or mental never remains.  I've tried it and its true you really do emerge feeling greater. But only if your open, releasing control. What do you have to lose?

 

Until Next Time,

Ivory

 



"IF I'M SCARED BE SCARED, ALLOW IT, RELEASE IT". -BEYONCE

QOTD

Pretty much....

Guest Blogger: Ebony Duncan w/ Wednesdays WELLness

"This Life’ll soon be over. Heaven Lasts Always": In Honor of Color Purple

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So many times we suffer for the sake of Heaven being our home.

We settle. We compromise. We allow.

We don’t fight. We don’t challenge. We don’t question.

We tell ourselves that Heaven is our reward.

We bank on heaven being our escape.

What if I told you that heaven is your home, and earth was your vacation?

 

Enjoy this side of heaven for there are great rewards for you here!

Yes, earth has its share of hurts, pains, and disappointments but today I declare your serenity as those things that are within your power to change, that you do so.

 

Dream Big, Love Hard, Laugh Much!

 

Celie:
Sometimes my husband get on me so hard, he hurt me all over. 
But he my husband. So I jus' talk to my ol' maker. 
This life'll soon be over. Heaven last always!

Sofia:
What you oughta do is bash Mister's head open and thank ol' Heaven later. 
You cant stay here, girl! Sisters!

 

Dream Big, Love Hard, Laugh Much!

 

Oh Celie, only if you saw the beauty in your eyes, the strength in your hands, the love in your heart.

Celie, my Celie, what a wonder you are. Gifted beyond your wildest dreams. A promise to behold.

Now you didn’t bash Mister’s head but that knife to the throat sho did the trick.

Yes! Take back what was stolen and walk in a freedom only you can discover.

Sophia, laugh on baby laugh on cause you are home NOW!

Squeak, I gladly call you Mary Agnes

Shug Avery, may the peace of the Father surpass every raw experience

Nettie, thank you for breaking the generational curse

Olivia, you are living the prayers sent up before you

 

Celie, Nettie, and Olivia Dreamed Big

Shug Avery and Mary Agnes Loved Hard

&

Sophia Laughed much

May we as women today learn from their triumphs and plan our own escapes to freedom.

 

This Life’ll soon be over. Heaven Lasts Always.

Indeed.

 

 

Wednesday WELLness by Guest Blogger Ebony Duncan

You have set at this table long enough, you have accepted this long enough, you have been indebted to this long enough, cash out and retrieve your tab. If you don’t have it at your current disposal to give, then don’t purchase it. So many times we enter relationships, make business decisions, commit to financial obligations without the necessary tools to make it successful while moving forward anyway banking on a future potential that we are hoping will arrive in enough time for us to enjoy this premature decision.

I met him during a time that I didn’t even know me. I knew that my soul was not prepared to share in this encounter but my flesh convinced me I deserved it and that this opportunity may never come again. I psyched myself to believe that each moment was innocent and that I had full control of the outcome but little did I know when he was gone I would be left emotionally bankrupt. How can I give something that I did not myself have: Love. Well, I was hoping that Love would find me on this path and all that was well would end well. Unfortunately I and love were going in two different directions. You have set at this table long enough, you have accepted this long enough, you have been indebted to this long enough, cash out and retrieve your tab. Sir, how much is my tab?

The proposition was made and it seemed too good to be true and I believed you and signed my name on the dotted line. Who would pass up a position like this?! I didn’t even finish high school and I have the opportunity to make six figures! Shoot , sign a sistah up! Yeah, you signed me up for a debt that I would be paying for, for the rest of my life. How was I supposed to know this was an illegal sting? I wanted to believe that miracles happen to ordinary people. I wanted to believe that fine print did not exist. What I believed was that I could get something for nothing and what a fool I was! All I wanted was to give my children the life that I was never afforded, so when the door opened I walked right through it. Now that the hard part is over, I still find myself playing this decision over and over in my head. To my conscious I say…. You have set at this table long enough, you have accepted this long enough, you have been indebted to this long enough, cash out and retrieve your tab! Ma’am (self) how much is my tab so that I can pay you and move on?

I want it, I want it, I want it so bad! I know I don’t have the money now, but there are so many people who owe me money by the time I am compensated I can just pay it off. This balance is now due! Where are all those people who borrowed from me when I need them. All that I do for people and you mean to tell me I cant even satisfy this simple debt. I know I didn’t have the money when I purchased it but I just knew that my being a good person would generate some funds to pay the balance. You have set at this table long enough, you have accepted this long enough, you have been indebted to this long enough, cash out and retrieve your tab. If you don’t have it at you current disposal to give, then don’t purchase it. Excuse me 'Company', you can gone and pick this up cause I cant afford that tab.

I remember when I was a child my mother had a ‘tab’ at the local corner store. She would send us to the store with a note filled with items that she wanted but with no money. I would hand over the note and inform them to put it on her tab. I never complained as there were always some hot chips, a pickle, and some green and yellow laffy taffys on the list for me. When we would walk with her to the store she would turn us loose to get whatever we wanted just to put it on her tab. When we got older, my sister and I would make speculations as to how in the world did she pay the tab on a fixed income. Im just gone leave that alone but its funny how what begins as a financial debt turned into a soul debt. Oh the price she had to pay for beer, cigarettes, and hot chips! I would give any amount of money today to give her back all that was lost in her world of opening up tabs in economics and relationships. She-‘We’ didn’t have it to give but we convince ourselves we needed it so we opened up a tab. I scream from the mountaintop that we need discipline and patience. In this life if we learn to tell ourselves “no” and “wait” hindsight would be no more. When we are in such a rush to get what we want and what we think we deserve while telling ourselves the lies that ‘this time will never come again’ and that ‘we only live once’, we die to our tabs.......

FOR MORE GO TO: http://evenebony.blogspot.com/

 

About Willows Hair

I know this topic is about a year old but I got a spark of inspiration after watching Mellisa Harris Perry's show two Saturdays ago on MSNBC and they were speaking of women in the media. She quoted the response Jada Pinkett Smith made to the critics of Willows hair:

"The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women,girls are constantly reminded that they don't belong to themselves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It's also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother's deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be."

"This is a world where girls are constantly reminded that they don't belong to themselves".

 I love this quote, its true on so many levels, its the reality that many would rather pretend doesn't exist. The proof of this truth that Jada states is evident in almost everything that this country does. Specifically for black women and girls whose bodies have built and birthed this nation, WE are constantly reminded that we don't belong to ourselves through media (movies, videos music and magazines) either we are objectified or we do not exist in this outlets. WE are constantly reminded that we do not belong to ourselves in our families,  although black women lead most households they are still taught that a woman without a man is not yet complete. WE are constantly reminded that we do not belong to ourselves in our homes where sexual abuse it pervasive yet rarely spoken of. Jada is right on so many levels.

"It's also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother's deepest insecurities, hopes and desires" Jada continues to state.

How many of  us are slaves to out mothers insecurities?  How many of us do or don't do, religiously what our mothers advised us of, only to find that the "thing" she advised us of evolved from a fear and resentment from her own experiences. With the work I do I see everyday young women who are carrying the "deepest insecurities" of their mothers. When asked what they want to become or do with their own lives they are unsure because they are clouded by fear-led words and visions that have been embedded in their minds from their mothers.  Too often they're never able to figure it out.

Willows hair isnt the issue its our boxed in thinking that comes from a place of fear. So, maybe its time we take inventory of our own fears, our own insecurities before we began placing distorted standards on others.  Maybe its time to free our own selves, if not for us for the young girls after us.


Until next time,
Ivory

A Bed Defiled---Whats your sleep number? by Guest Blogger Ebony Duncan

A girls room is her sanctuary. A place where she goes to exchange her costume for some sweats and a t- shirt. A place where she unwinds and regroups. A place where she notices the changes taking place to her body. A place where she thinks, writes, cries, laughs and stores her greatest secrets.

She is seven years old being raised by a single mother struggling with drugs and alcohol. She is continually told to go to her room as it is implied that she is in the way and needed to stay out of grown folks business. She learns to go to school and return to her room to avoid inconveniencing mom and her company. In her room she plays house with her dolls, has tea parties alone, learns to sing/dance/and act. For years she is bullied and made fun of by the other kids due to her inability to fit in. She returns to her room, climb in her bed and weep. She sleeps with her depression, abandonment, and resentment---her Bed is Defiled.

She is now 15 and has covered her walls with magazine clippings of the hottest rappers and actors. She understands the need for a bra and her monthly cycle she dreads. She is always in the mirror combing her hair and experimenting with make-up.  She is popular at school as she rocks the latest fashion from her part time job at the mall. After school she goes to her room to finish her homework and write in her diary. She hides her razor blade under her mattress to slit her wrists when the issues of life overtake her. In the middle of the night moms new boyfriend creeps into her room and rambles under her covers as if he has lost something there.---her Bed is Defiled

I am now grown she says as she invites him to her room. She works so hard during the day trying to maintain her basic needs and just wants to unwind.  She prepares herself for this night of passion but in return he gives her sex and leaves her passionless. She lays in her bed wondering when, why, how, and where will her time come. She is confused as she lays there and allows her memory to haunt her. She has experienced some physical abuse….returning to her room. She has many let downs and disappointments…returning to her room. When life has had its way with her….she returns to her room.---her Bed is Defiled.

As you read this I am sure your bed(s) can tell stories that are not worth repeating. Whether you are in a plush beautyrest, a cot in a prison, a customized pillow top, a twin bed you share with your daughter in a womens battered shelter, a hospital bed, or a sealy posturepedic, I declare that together we CHOSE our sleep number!  I want us to begin to take back our sanctuaries and declare them as our safe havens/safe places. The symbolism of our beds has to become a state of mind. What we set our thoughts on become our reality. I know what it feels like when life naturally does not give you your just due. At 7 her sanctuary should have been filled with bedtime stories and prayers.  At 15 her sanctuary should have been filled with curiosity, affirmation, and love. As an adult her sanctuary should be filled with peace of mind, dreams of a better tomorrow, a place where she calls the shots and makes the reservations.

 

As your soul aches and begins to send signals to your body to shut down as you drown in despair…don’t take it to bed.

As you lay in bed waiting on death to come and get you…don’t dose off.

You don’t have to be old to be tired! Some of us are brand new off the lot but the mileage under the hood impacts our ability to drive….dont replay that nightmare.

The moment we get over the mountain of stuff we’ve been through is when we qualify ourselves for new experiences…seek healing through support, spiritual guidance, clinical intervention and the like. You are the queen of your sanctuary and its time to reclaim your thrown!

I challenge you to take a day… take those sheets off that bed, wash them, iron them, replace them (if you have the means to purchase a new set…do that!)  and declare this is my sanctuary of peace and tranquility, love and acceptance, beauty and splendor , healing and restoration, dreams and visions,  newness and freshness. As these declarations are being made know there is someone standing with you, praying with you, believing with you! We shall not be swallowed up in the bed of our experiences, hurts and pains but today we shall CHOSE our sleep number!!!

 

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness

----Signed, Miss Ebony